Thursday, March 10, 2011

so confused

so yesterday was the school dance but i didn't go. the people who i really wanted to go with weren't going. it seemed only for a select few, and the tickets didn't even sell out: the cool and the wannabes.
so no, i dun really want to go to the dance.
but i did want to wear a dress~~!! some people bought $100 dresses just for the ocassion. of course no one went without makeup. why~~!!! why must I feel this way~~usually I'm tomboy-ish but at the same time love dresses~~and dressing up~~~
i am so confused~~!!!
well first of all I don't even have a dress :( however my dance costume this year is one so I will have one dress.
>< (i started a year ago and i am the worst dancer on earth lol!!!!)
and I own no makeup/
why do i want makeup??
because everyone else wears it??
only like two people i love don't wear it. cause they are interested in fashion more, and one is sporty.
then what does that make me?? just some vain girl who doesn't have the money to show it???!!
i don't understand, i don't understand....
i think i just wanna feel special~~but the people who i wanted to be special for were not together on the day of the dance so I felt a little left out listening them talk despite the fact that i'd had a good night too~~
oh and when all my friends wear makeup, i feel like im at a's not like that im talking about hte change in looks but the fact that by wearing makeup they're saying they're avaible for if a cute guy did walk by when we're out in the mall he would think i were wearing makeup too only it didn't make any difference on me or i didn't care enough to even try.
being a girl is complicated~~
I think all but two of my friends have crushes, some possible, some impossible~but I have none (well one that is just for fun basically)...
I would want to dress up for a guy, but there are no guys in my school I would earnestly want to chase...Grrr. Honestly I didn't go because I was scared I'd feel like I was a poser...because wearing a dress and dancing for three hours in a room full of strangers and weak aquaintances not me....
Or is it?
I've never tried.
I hope that, just this time, I wasn't self-limiting myself. the decision to not go the dance was made when i was 16, which sounded young/
now that im 17 i realize it is.
looking at the pictures no one looks very old despite dresses and makeup. but neither do i.
today will continue to go down in confusion i know.
the only good point was the things that i did that were purely me: running, talking, and getting free stuff (food and keychain). ^^
Please please I hope everyone understands I don't mean to be a butt by not going to the dance, but because now I want to, but never had a dress or people to go for, yet the experience might have been enough. :(
so here's my question for you, WHY DO YOU WEAR/DON'T WEAR MAKEUP?

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