grad cruise

Can't believe I'm going to be graduating...
Anyways, the annual graduating class cruise...almost didn't go since I rarely like those hyped up things, I prefer doing things my own way...but I ended up going. I did want to, so I could dress up, but then again, I didn't see how I'd have fun. :P Well I did. It was beyond crazy, let me tell you that. If this is anything what clubbing is like, I am not going. :P I'd never "danced" the way everyone did on the cruise-jam packed like sardines and sweaty, throwing fists up like we're catching money falling from the sky and being dirty. Not naming any names. >:( Worse, I let a guy slow dance with me. I know, not dirty at all, it's okay to dance with your classmates...We had to do that in gym class. But I let him...he said "you don't have to if you don't want to." I felt drunk, even though I wasn't and never will be, so out of context, that I just wanted to be cared about. So yeah...I slow danced with this guy I rarely see around school and hopefully never see again. He put our hands in the right positions for a slow dance and I acted like I wanted it. He put his chin on my head so I put my head on his chest...All the while staring at the opposite wall and never looking into his eyes once since we were both doing it as peers and didn't want him  to get the wrong message. He was just a flirter or gay kind of gccuy and I was tired and wanted to lean against somewhere, so no lines were crossed. Ahaha anyways undoubtly now you are thinking what a loser i am...yeah I'm really seventeen and that was as real as a slow dance i ever had. :P But I knew it was fake so I'm still waiting for the real thing. ;)

The cruise left me feeling dirty from the body-throwing kind of dancing, the slow dance was actually more pure as it meant nothing while throwing your body is obviously trying to attract attention...

xox,

hihihi ^^ <3

latest night out~12

hey....
maybe i'll update this blog once in a while, maybe not, just for personal rememberance of random things. <3
gr 12 has come, that's the final highschool year in canada, after that i'm an adult <3
finally finally i am getting the university vibes again, where i dream of decorating and living in my own cozy university dorm or apartment or at least studying studiously but cozily at university <3 our local university is renowned AND beautiful and it's the best school you could wish for. If only I knew what to study~~i want to learn about forests and maybe nature, but i also have a modern side, where i'd love to run an accessories store, since i already like to make jewelry~~
yesterday was my latest night out with friends, came home at like 12:20 am, probably early for some >< But my parents are very protective and for a good reason, a little boy went missing but now he's found. So these things do happen but i was around friends and family/couple crowds the whole time and got a ride home half way from a funny friend <3 It's so sad and heartbreaking to not be able to talk to some of my friends because they've paired up, but at the same time when I look at them occasionally (I want to give them privacy and I have to enjoy my life, too, as a partying girl ;)) they are so deeply in love I forgive them.Ahaha since my friends and I are not lesbian, I guess the guys will have to give them the love and company I can't give.
But having said that, after seeing true love, it makes me appreciate being a girl that much more. i went with my other friend and we looked over ALLLLL the cute stuff we could in that time!! We went to a night market and it was FILLLED with asian goodies. I bough a pencil case, funny earphones for my bro's bday, and some cheap jewelry (for when i get my ears pierced! :)) Funnily enough the earrings I bought came in a set of three, a heart, a bow, a ring. I think that when i feel romantic and have found my guy I will wear these. Right now, though, I'm only looking for friendship. THEN i can look for love.
No, before I look for love I have to look for my future--that's what i realized a few days ago. :) I'm in gr 12, where my future takes me is where I will most likely meet a compatible guy, and dayyyumm he will be sexy because he will be my type. :)
and where is my future taking me? I hope uni, so I'm going to work hard, and probably in a social studies/science cross (ie educating people about nature), working about sustainability with accessory stores to make jewelry a bit earth friendlier, or maybe just doing odd freelance art jobs too (as if i can draw that well though....:P I must make up a few form of art so that I can make it only, and they'll be no one in my field so ill be the pro ;)))
and to my bro: you don't know this blog exsists right? Good because I got you PILL headphones called Headphones from Sundries DRUGS, because I think you are always on drugs You know, because you are so crazy.
Well it's nice to have type-able thoughts once in a while rather than depressing beauty-asian-boy-social status-money-failing grad obsessed thoughts. and it's all because of the magic of good friends <3
tl, ks, os, cp, and all your "attachements" ;) <3
xox,
hihihi <3
PS I do post quite a lot about asian beauty supplies like eyelashes and BOY were there a lot of tempting cheap eyelashes. But...They were boring. :)

the best days

3 hr summer school? that's nothing, nothing at all. not with the sun shining in your eyes. not with a cute guy so close to you. not with one of your best friends right next to you. Not when you actually enjoy writing essays about things that matter to you. no, all this was heaven. all of it.
heaven. so that's what it's like. wearing shorts everyday. running to school but knowing you wont be penalized for being late. 15 minute breaks where everything happens. In class essays where you pour your heart out. Being free. Being me.
Somethings happened for sure. I felt so included maybe I never wanted to leave that microcosm. I still remember going to out of town malls. feeling like a rat in a maze. feeling like i had to jump off of everything to get rid of the energy. feeling a tiny bit of pride of being size 0 and a glimpse of the future in that beautiful, $300+ dress...and feeling hope, or craziness, but also jealousy that my other friend was more friendly with my best friend than she was with me because they were going to school, seeing each other everyday together. I didn't know which, the poles had been reversed.
But leave I had to , and now it's equipped me to go anywhere.
Do anything.
Even english 12 exams of doom.
Thanks english 12, mr b and ks and sa and all the others I truly love.

byebye summer

the summer has ended.
I'm planning my first outfit back to school--something i've never done.
but i've never been a gr 12 either before, too.
oh fck, all the hot boys that i met and love, the love that will die down once i get buried under studying, the dreams that will follow me around like sheepy clouds following a storm.
wish me luck.
and good luck to u all 
xox,
hihihi ^^